?

Log in

Sat, Jan. 24th, 2004, 04:20 pm
memlu: So much bad characterization it hurts.

Story Or Series Title: Like Sister, Like Brother
Fandom: Labyrinth
Culprit Author's Name: Jess Leigh - or Villain Babe. The account name and the name in the story are at odds with one another.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Sarah Williams. Insert quotation marks.
Full Species(es): Supah Perfect/Angsteh Canon Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described
Eye Color (include adjectives): Eyes that are, in the tradition of all horrifically melodramatic tales, strangely sad.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not described
Special Possessions (if any): Jareth's heart and soul. Again.

Annoying Origin: *ahem* Sarah has apparently always longed to return to the Labyrinth, and though she misses her friends she misses Jareth more. Toby idolizes her and summons Jareth to take her back to the Labyrinth.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Purportedly is Sarah Williams, though I have my doubts; is the perfect, angsty, wistful elder sister to Toby. No relationship described with their father and mother/stepmother.
Annoying Special Abilities: To make everyone act horrendously out of character and make my eyes hurt.
Other Annoying Traits: She angsts continuously, and when she's not angsting, she's busy being the Most Perfect Being Evah.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:





“So, did you enjoy this week?” Sarah asked her brother as she closed the door.

“Definitely!” Toby exclaimed.

“Good. Listen, I’m going to sit down for a few minutes and then go on to bed, I’m exhausted. You can stay up for a little while after that as long as you’re quiet and are in bed by eleven, okay?”

“Okay.” Toby headed towards the stairs but stopped and turned back around. “Sarah, why don’t you move back in? You could get a job here and Mom and Dad would probably let you.”

Sarah just stared at Toby with the strange sadness that had often haunted her eyes as she replied. “Oh, Toby, I know you want me to move back and I would love to, but Karen doesn’t want me to,”

“I don’t care, I want you back! I know you and Mom don’t get along, but you could work it out if you just tried!! Besides, you get along okay now any way!”

“Toby, it’s not that easy.”

“SO!?! I never said it would be easy!”

“Toby, I can’t. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

“Sometimes I wish you had let the Goblin King keep me. I think my lifewould have been much happier.”

Sarah could only stare at Toby as he ran up the stairs, mouth gaping open in shock. How could he remember?! He was only a year old! Sarah ran up after him. She knocked on his door. “Toby, may I please come in, I need to talk to you?”









“Where is everybody?” he mussed aloud to himself. He walked to the castle doors and they opened on their own. He looked around, but there was no one still. “Maybe Sarah got Jareth to keep the goblins away from me.” He headed down one the one corridors and entered the throne room. He looked around until his eyes landed on a stairway leading up. He went up them and found himself in the most mind-boggling room he had and ever would see in his life.

“Hello, Toby,” came a voice from behind. He spun to find himself face to face with the Goblin King.

“Where is my sister?”

“I’m here, Toby,” Sarah stepped out from behind Jareth to stand beside him. Even though he knew she was okay, he was still relieved to see her in one piece. He ran to her and hugged her, not caring if the Goblin King was right beside them.

“Well, I’m glad to know you missed me,” Sarah said as she hugged him back. Toby stepped away from her after a moment.

“At least you didn’t kill each other,” Toby stated. Sarah crossed her arms and asked, “Now, what exactly does that mean?”

“Well, you always kinda seemed like a man-hater.”

“Oh, really? So it wasn’t just me?” Jareth questioned her mischievously.

Sarah glared at him for a moment and then directed it to Toby. “You need to learn to keep your mouth shut.” Toby had to stifle his laughter. When he had succeeded, he looked back to his sister.

“Ready to go home, I got here within thirteen hours.”

Sarah looked at Jareth then back at Toby. “Toby, I’m not going back, at least not to stay. I’ve decided my place is here. I still love you and Mom and Dad, but this is where I belong. I‘m returning to stay with you until Mom and Dad get home, then I’m coming back. ” As she said this, she and Jareth intertwined their hands.

“You want to stay here?” Toby asked. Sarah nodded her head. Toby shrugged. “Well, I can’t change your mind once it’s set on something. But what are we going to tell Mom and Dad?”

“That I’m getting married and will be living a little further away. I can still come and see you.”

“Does this mean you’re going to be queen?” Toby asked.

“Yes, it does, Toby,” Jareth answered. “And you can come and visit your sister here if you like.”

Toby liked idea. “Wow, cool!”

“Well, we better go back to your house so your parents won’t get worried.”

“You’re coming too?” Toby asked him.

“Yes, it is a normal custom to at least meet the parents before you get married. But I won’t be wearing anything like this,” Jareth gestured to his present attire. “I’ll wear what you would call normal clothes.”

“That’s going to be weird,” Sarah teased. Toby rolled his eyes and turned away.




Not quite as bad as Signed Sarah, With Love, but it's still awful. Sadly, I found both this and the aforementioned while looking for Spirited Away Sues to kill with large kitchen knives. Indeed, nothing is sacred.

Sun, Jan. 25th, 2004 07:47 am (UTC)
darksylvia

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ. Could Jareth BE any flatter and more colorless?

"Man-hater" Sarah? Oh, good. pseudo-feminist Sue.

And how the hell does one "mussed"?

Also, on a deeper level, the author's own characterization is betrayed. Toby doesn't seem too upset at having his idolized big sister taken away.

Sun, Jan. 25th, 2004 03:47 pm (UTC)
memlu: The typos in this fic are hilarious.

Jareth is just there to look pretty, apparently, and provide happy ending love for Sarah-Sue. It hurts that they bastardized all the characters involved.

Also, on a deeper level, the author's own characterization is betrayed. Toby doesn't seem too upset at having his idolized big sister taken away.

Hear here!

Sat, Jan. 31st, 2004 03:53 pm (UTC)
(Anonymous)

Whoa. Not only was I surprised to see a story by someone I know on here, but I'm also surprised to see you guys are easier on it than she is herself. And you got to that like JUST before she removed it, it seems. She was going through her stories and getting rid of the ones she knew sucked or would never finish. That was written like, three years ago, when she was fifteen.

She's better now. Plus, last time she ever mentioned that, and she's trying to forget about it, she was so ashamed it made her sick. Trust me, ya'll are nothing compared to the beatng she gives herself over that thing.

And as for the name thing, she got changed her name at ff.net, cause she was sick of the nickname (her friend Becky gave it to her), Villainbabe. I don't know if she knows about this community, but she might be amused by this. I'll have to tell her.