Story Or Series Title: Signed Sarah, With Love
THE CANON SUE
Full Name (plus titles if any): Sarah Williams (*cough*)
Full Species(es): Suicidal/Angst Canon-Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not described
Special Possessions (if any): Jareth's heart and soul, apparently.
Annoying Origin: Her parents and Toby are dead, and poor Sarah has
always loved Jareth. Therefore, logically, the next step is downing rat poison.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Claims to be Sarah. I'll believe it when Tolkien-from-beyond-the-grave tells me to trust in the Sue.
Annoying Special Abilities: To angst endlessly, burst into tears, and render Jareth without personality in conjunction with the other Sue.
Other Annoying Traits: OMG her lyff iz so panfull.
THE SELF-INSERT SUE
Full Name (plus title if any): Princess Vireyda "Vree" Magodaly of the Forbidden Forrest (author's spelling, not mine). Take another look at the author's name.
Full Species(es): Fae/Perfect Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "...black hair..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...amethyst eyes..."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "...painfully thin..."
Special Possessions (if any): Leather and crystals.
Annoying Origin: She serves as Goblin Queen whenever Jareth is on vacation. Where? The Bog of Eternal Stench? Or one of those canonically unsupported beautiful lands of Fae? Ah, wait - "Vree" explains he visits his mother frequently after Sarah defeated him. In any case, she's his bestest fwiend and wants to unite him and Sarah in holy matrimony.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Jareth's best friend growing up; only wants the best for Sarah and Jareth and nothing for herself.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can heal Sarah instantaneously, communicate via telepathy, summon crystals, has magic that rivals Jareth's, knows everyone's true feelings, and can bitch Jareth into submission.
Other Annoying Traits: Irish brogue (a cliché in Laby fics now), an omnipotent role in the story, and more page time than Jareth and Sarah combined.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
In three words, I love you. I love the way you feel in my arms, I love the way your voice sounds, I love with way your eyes are two colors, and I love the way you smell. But most of all, I love you way you look at me, and I always have. Even when I was too young to show it.
As you probably know, I had boyfriends, and I dated, but none of these boys measured up to the mental image of perfection in my head. You image was you.
Jareth, I know I've hurt you, and if I could 'reorder time', I would...but I am no Fae. I can't bear to stay in this world any longer. If you don't already know, my parents and Toby died. I have no one to live for. Jareth, the only things I can say are that I love you and that I owe you the most deepest apologies ever.
Tomorrow is October 24th. That's 13 years exactly since the day we first met, face to face. If you reject me, I will killing myself upon the midnight of tonight. I will be ending what's left of my miserable life.
Vireyda firmly shut the door to Jareth's throne room. She turned, slowly and dangerously advanced on the Goblin King. She said sweetly, "Jareth, we've been friends a long time..have we not?"
"We have.." Jareth was getting worried. Vireyda only used the sickly sweet voice when she was beyond angry.
"Alright then. Listen well. Sarah is here because she tried to commit suicide last night." Deadly calm. Not good.
"WHAT?!" he yelled.
"I saved her, obviously, which is more than you would have done, apparently!" Vireyda's short fused temper snapped.
"W..how did you know?"
"Because, I read a letter that was meant for you!" She shoved it in his face. Jareth took it and read silently the only sound was crinkling parchment as Jareth's hands began to shake.
There was another moment of profound silence before Jareth said, "This is real?"
"Am I am." Vireyda said, touching Jareth on the arm. He looked at her and a silent conversation warred between their eyes. Finally Jareth snapped his fingers and vanished. Vireyda conjured a crystal.
Inside the crystal, Jareth and Sarah were exchanging words. She shook her finger at him and he laughed. After a moment of heated staring, Jareth scooped up Sarah and twirled her around. They shared a kiss.
Vireyda dissolved the Crystal and appeared in the open doorway of Sarah's room. Sarah said, "Vireyda was right. She's always right!" Jareth made a face. And Vireyda made her presence known.
"Try telling Jareth that, I know I have for a least a half a dozen centuries." Jareth and Sarah laughed.
Violation of canon, character, and basic decency. Hurts so badly cannot form proper sentences. *sporks*